Weddings are bitter sweet for me these days. While I am happy to see my friends celebrate their love with a lifelong commitment to each other, it’s a very real reminder for me that life right now isn’t where I thought it would be.
On Saturday I attended the wedding of friends. An outdoor wedding… in Illinois… in November. Dear friend, whatever you are picturing in your head right now, is probably pretty close to reality. Drizzly rain- snow mixture and cold kept the guests in their cars until the last minute as they emerged in full winter weather attire with umbrellas in tow. To the minister who performed the ceremony, thank you for doing your best to include their special moments, while saving the bride from frostbite, by keeping it shorter than originally planned. “Attend an outdoor wedding in the freezing rain” is officially checked off my bucket list.
After the wedding, I got back in my car and cranked up the heat, as one by one the guests began driving towards the reception. I followed one car down the lane and as I pulled to the stop sign I decided to turn the opposite direction. The thought of going to the reception alone was just too much.
And I missed getting to celebrate with the happy couple and those who would have been at my table. I missed spending time with dear friends from church (who are more like family) and catching up with another friend I hadn’t seen in years. All because the thought of going by myself was just “too much”. I didn’t want to be the only single person at the table. I didn’t want my friends to ask me about how my love life, or lack thereof, was going. It sounded uncomfortable. And so I didn’t go.
But you know what? It’s usually when I’m just a bit uncomfortable that the best things in life happen. Just outside of the ordinary and predictable, the most memorable moments occur. Outside of my comfort zone is where life is really lived. And to be honest, most of the time the moments I think will be “just too much” are rarely as much as I imagine them to be.
I’m done letting fear and disappointment dictate my days.
So if you see me and I look at little bit out of my element, a little nervous or awkward in conversations, just know that I’m living life as it was meant to be, just outside of predictable and ordinary, and on the edge of overwhelming, where amazing things come to be.