Today I was scheduled to have a biopsy. And as much as I would like to say I was at complete peace about the whole thing, completely trusting God, I was a whole lot of anxious on so many levels.
A week ago I found out I would have to have the biopsy and immediately my mind went to the worst case scenario of breast cancer, even though I have no family history, and am not at high risk for it. Part of me expected the tests to come back with something bad.
I hate to admit that.
I could say with confidence “I know God’s got this – no matter the outcome.” But I couldn’t say, “I KNOW everything is going to come back clear.” And to be completely honest, I didn’t even know how to pray.
Have you ever noticed at times it’s much easier to pray for someone else’s miracle than it is your own? It’s easier to believe God for a miracle for a friend than it is to believe fully for your own breakthrough.
Sometimes, in the middle of your battle, the words to pray just don’t come. You’re heart is overwhelmed, and as much as you know you are supposed to, you can’t even pray.
I didn’t know what to pray regarding my biopsy. But I shared with the people around me, and they shared with people around them. And as I walk this out, I am finding more and more people were praying for me this week. So many people were lifting me up in prayer. I didn’t have words to pray – but God provided the words through other people.
I didn’t end up having the biopsy this morning. After taking multiple images – the radiologist came to me and said, “We are not doing the biopsy. We cannot find what we were planning to biopsy.”
The spot they found on both previous mammograms and the ultrasound images… is completely gone.
God did that. Even though I didn’t have the words to pray.
There are moments – seasons even – when you won’t have the words to pray. The pain is too deep and the circumstances overwhelming. It doesn’t mean your faith is week or your trust has failed. Sometimes we don’t have the strength – and we need someone (or a few someones) to help hold us up. Just because you cannot pray – doesn’t mean God won’t move. It might just be that God put it on someone else’s heart to hold you up.
And before you write off this blog post by saying “I don’t have friends who will pray for me…” Let me offer this. If that’s truly the case – and you don’t have anyone you can ask to pray – feel free to send me a message at the following firstname.lastname@example.org and let me know how I can be praying for you. And I will.