I’m Just An Introvert…

What started out to be a surprise gathering of friends, ended up being a thirty-year reunion of my old youth group. Friends I hadn’t seen in years all gathered together in one room. So many memories, so much history in that one room. Crazy stories revisited in between catching up on life and families made for an absolutely beautiful night.

And to think, I almost didn’t go.

A week ago I posted a blog about how my weight is the highest it’s ever been, even typing the exact numbers from my scale. I’m not a fan of how I look in photos right now and I’m much heavier than the last time I saw most of the people who would be there. Of course this would be the week of the reunion. Combine that with my introvert nature and pretty soon I came up with a handful of reasons why I shouldn’t go.

“You were the youngest so you weren’t really a part of the group.”

“You are so overweight right now.”

“You have crazy-pink hair.”

“This is another thing you have to go to alone.”

“You are so awkward in large groups of people.”

“No one will miss you if you’re not there…”

Except most of those excuses that were running through my head, had nothing to do with being an introvert. An introvert, in my personal experience, is someone who needs a significant amount of alone time to re-energize. I am okay with large groups of people, but I definitely need time alone to decompress.

More than the thoughts of an introvert, those excuses were the very real battle I have come to recognize as fear. Fear that would try to convince me that I’m not an important part of whatever group I’m in and that my voice and my opinion don’t matter.

Have you ever noticed how fear does it’s best to be louder than any other voice in your head even when you KNOW the truth to be different?

The truth: These were some of my closest friends in that season of life. Friends who taught me how to get from Burger King to my parents house in seven and a half minutes, how not to take a hill at 80 mph, and how to properly play a game of sardines. They also taught me what it means to love God and how it felt be a part of a church family and a valued part of the group. I was one of the youngest in the youth group at the time, but I never once felt looked down on or less than. Whether they know it or not – each one of them poured into my life at an age when I was just beginning to find who I was.

And last night I was reminded of that crazy-beautiful season of life.

To think I almost let fear keep me from being there.

No, I didn’t suddenly recognize the voice of fear yesterday and walk into the room full of old friends with confidence. I didn’t become an extrovert overnight and talk to every person who came. I went in spite of the voice of fear. I did it afraid.

And I’m so glad I did.

How many times have I let fear control my steps, knowing the truth but letting fear paralyze my feet?

Today, brave hope looks like overcoming fear, one scary step at a time.

Do it afraid – move your feet in spite of fear that tries to scream louder than the truth you know.

I promise you, it’s worth it.